The Choice Controls the Chooser

"The choice controls the chooser." 


A friend recently shared this, his grandfather's favorite quote, and I immediately wrote it down.


In an earlier post, I revisited the fear that has, in large part, kept me glued to the same lily pad for many years. Shortly thereafter, I received a not-so-subtle nudge from the Universe that this is, it seems, the time for something of a quantum leap.


And in the time since then, something has shifted. A sort of stillness has begun to settle, slowly, into the recesses of my being. It didn't start that way; it began with a flurry of activity that spurred seemingly endless questions and a frantic search for answers that would make leaping easier, less frightening, more secure. 


Ah, security. That glittering, gleaming illusion at whose altar I have knelt for so long. In this moment, I can still feel its lure, its pull. I can acknowledge the temptation to move toward it, and can also recognize that, like a mirage, the closer I draw to it, it will recede that much farther away.


What's this got to do with the opening quote? I am choosing to enter into a relationship with the unknown, with Not Knowing. With What Is. 


This is, for me, a big deal. Of course, there are those far wiser than I who know that this is the true nature of things. That we humans, despite our superior intelligence, don't know much of anything at all. That What Is is all there is. But for most of my life, my mind has often worked overtime to keep me believing otherwise.


And now, replacing my typical desire to manipulate circumstances in hopes of controlling the outcome in a way that will feel more comfortable to me, is my attempt to be more aware of my choices; to listen to what my body says and knows; to remember my dreams and explore their deep wisdom; to engage in prayer and meditation that helps still the "monkey mind" that can disconnect me from this moment, which is all I've really got.


Last weekend, I received a tee shirt that says, "Be Here Now." Two nights later, without having seen or heard about the tee shirt, my husband quoted those same three words, which I've never heard him say before - at least not that I can remember. A sign? A reminder? I'll take 'em. I can't have too many of either.


Now, I'm not saying that the choices to embrace uncertainty, to let go of fear, or to "Be Here Now" are easy or comfortable or don't require an awful lot of time and attention. They do. But it's time and attention that can actually make a difference in how I feel, how I live and experience my life. It's the difference between giving weight, substance, time and attention to the illusions of "knowing" and "security", and giving those things instead to What Is. 


The idea of security - at least "security" as I have come to define it in my own life - eats Fear for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It grazes all day long on "Musts" and "Shoulds" and requires that its handlers live in cramped little boxes that limit their imagination, movement and options. 


When I give up the idea that I can create, control or am somehow entitled to security, a whole world opens up. It's a world that does not depend on my doing the same things the same ways because it's what is required to have security. In other words, when I give up the idea that I must or can have security, I also give up the fear that I might lose it.


It's a choice. And some days I choose better than others. Some days I'm just faking it 'til I make it. But if my friend's grandfather is right and "the choice controls the chooser", then today, I choose to relinquish my fear and embrace What Is.