The Deer Mother

In a mid-summer night's dream, I pull into the driveway and get out of my car. On the way to the house, I pause to look up at the night sky. It is very dark and I see a constellation, a tight cluster of stars, that form a small, thick cross. 

Toward the house, I hear rustling by the front door but can’t see what it is. It sounds large, and I feel a tightness in my belly. Something approaches me and I stand very still.

It is a very large, antlered animal – almost like a cross between a deer and an elk. It is not terribly tall, but it is broad and solid. I gasp. Its antlers are large and very ornate; they are not very thick and there are many of them, woven together like the branches of a tree. The animal's back is dark and covered with many small white spots that seem almost to glow, like a magical sky full of stars. It is beautiful and breathtaking. 

The animal brushes gently against me. Holding my breath and still not really moving, I hold out my left hand, and it sniffs me. It allows me to pet its muzzle. I am filled with awe and know this is very special. I do not feel afraid, but I am not sure what is happening or why. Suddenly, down by my knees, I see another face. There is another, smaller animal - a baby - looking up at me. Its face is beautiful and open and sweet, and it sniffs and nuzzles my right hand as I hold it out. My stomach is fluttering with excitement, and my heart feels full of joy.

In Siberian Evenki mythology, Khelgen is the Cosmic Elk. She is associated with the Big Dipper and travels with her calf, who represents the Little Dipper. During the day, Kheglen and her calf disappear into the heavenly taiga and return at night, when the movement of the constellations recapitulates a great hunt. She is associated with the cycles of life, her great antlered rack connected with the World Tree, or Tree of Life. Kheglen was revered by the reindeer herders of Siberia, whose culture dates back thousands of years. Today, these people find their way of life, and their reindeer, in danger of being wiped out by overdevelopment and significant shifts in the global economy. 

This poem is in honor of Khelgen and her calf.

For Kheglen
(Honoring a Dream)

The Earth moves
as she moves,
her gait heavy
with intention and the fullness
of this moment.

Between each step,
a pause,
pregnant with the wisdom
and stories
she bears across
her star-strewn back
and in her crown
of antlers,
branches grown from the World Tree
beneath which all Life
begins 
and ends, begins again.

Across the divide
of life and death
she has journeyed with her progeny,
the smaller constellation
reborn in her mother's
shining image.
Ancient
and brand new to me,
the eye of my heart
takes her in more easily
than can my thinking vision.

Yet her breath is on my hand,
her broad belly brushes my arm.

She is here.
She is real.
I am witness
to these goddesses and star-painted
messengers.
Behold!
Behold!

And in the full night sky above,
a constellation
of the Cross beams bright
as if to say,
By whatever names you call Me,
I am here.
Behold.

7.18.2012/honoring a dream